Come and Go

Well here it is the year mark came and gone.  It overall was not bad.  We fought, but it was resolved rather quickly.  Mothers Day came and went too.  I feel good.  I am okay.  My marriage feels good too.  Work and responsibilities cluttered the last two weeks which probably helped get through any emotional turmoil, but internally I didn't feel a whole lot of depression or sadness.  Time is healing.  

I told him about this blog.  I don't know if I will ever share it with him.  I don't want him to feel bad. It started as a way to watch the progress, the improvement.  I am not sure how to describe it, but progress has definitely occurred.  I feel better mentally and emotionally.  I still have bad moments, but they are farther and farther apart separated by content, happy, good.  I look back and am thankful that I am healing. I remember the feelings those first few months.  I thought of leaving my life, suicide, and basically giving up.  I am so glad I had the will not to do that.  Thankful that I found the energy to pick up and move in a forward direction without deciding the outcome.  My life and my relationship with my husband is far from perfect or even fantastic, but it is good, and full of effort, concern and care.

He seems to be healing too.  It appears that the guilt he carries may be subsiding.  I hope so.  In the end we are human.  We make horrible choices and huge mistakes sometimes.  If we can't forgive ourselves and love ourselves we can not forgive and love others.