Today is January 5, 2017. I feel good, mentally and emotionally. I made it through the change of the new year okay. My husband even made a funny on New Years Eve about our sex life and for the first time I did not feel threatened.
He said he needed to change and wondered what he should wear for New Years Eve, I said, "go like baby new year and wear you birthday suit." His response, "I keep telling you I want to go to parties like that, but you are not interested."
He said it in such a way that I did not feel pressured, guarded, threatened, scared or worried. This is a good sign, I am taking it.
I might be wrong. Maybe he still is waiting for me to change, Maybe he is letting me know that even thought he is joking, he is still on that path. I am going to need clarity on this with him. It is a healing step. I need a clear yes, that he plans to move forward with his sexual desires, or a no, he is willing to be monogamous with me even if it means forever.
I fear this bridge will break under us. I hope not. I love him dearly, but can not deny or sell myself out for his sexual desires. I also understand that I can not expect him to do the same.
For now. Today is okay. It is better, I can tell I am healing.
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