This past weekend my husband decided enough was enough and purchased a new washing machine for our house. He did quit a bit of research online before he made his decision. he applied for credit at Lowes and called and picked up the new washer. He made the decision to get the dryer as well even though ours still worked.
For a brief moment I was concerned about the spending, but then I decided that we did need both and it would be better to get them at the same time. He removed the old ones and installed the new ones with my help.
As I stood there watching him it occurred to me that this was a commitment on his part to our future. He caught me smiling at him. He asked me why I smiled so big. I told him that this was a step forward for us. I don't know if he saw it as big of a deal as I did, but never the less.
Later we hung out in the laundry room and watched the new machine in awe of its technology. It was a delightfully funny and warm moment we shared. The whole scenario was fantastically comforting. Maybe there is some hope for normal, maybe there is hope for lasting love and respect.
Maybe the pain is starting to wash away like the dirty laundry with a new and improved process.......
Monday, January 9, 2017
Thursday, January 5, 2017
New Year Beginnings
Today is January 5, 2017. I feel good, mentally and emotionally. I made it through the change of the new year okay. My husband even made a funny on New Years Eve about our sex life and for the first time I did not feel threatened.
He said he needed to change and wondered what he should wear for New Years Eve, I said, "go like baby new year and wear you birthday suit." His response, "I keep telling you I want to go to parties like that, but you are not interested."
He said it in such a way that I did not feel pressured, guarded, threatened, scared or worried. This is a good sign, I am taking it.
I might be wrong. Maybe he still is waiting for me to change, Maybe he is letting me know that even thought he is joking, he is still on that path. I am going to need clarity on this with him. It is a healing step. I need a clear yes, that he plans to move forward with his sexual desires, or a no, he is willing to be monogamous with me even if it means forever.
I fear this bridge will break under us. I hope not. I love him dearly, but can not deny or sell myself out for his sexual desires. I also understand that I can not expect him to do the same.
For now. Today is okay. It is better, I can tell I am healing.
He said he needed to change and wondered what he should wear for New Years Eve, I said, "go like baby new year and wear you birthday suit." His response, "I keep telling you I want to go to parties like that, but you are not interested."
He said it in such a way that I did not feel pressured, guarded, threatened, scared or worried. This is a good sign, I am taking it.
I might be wrong. Maybe he still is waiting for me to change, Maybe he is letting me know that even thought he is joking, he is still on that path. I am going to need clarity on this with him. It is a healing step. I need a clear yes, that he plans to move forward with his sexual desires, or a no, he is willing to be monogamous with me even if it means forever.
I fear this bridge will break under us. I hope not. I love him dearly, but can not deny or sell myself out for his sexual desires. I also understand that I can not expect him to do the same.
For now. Today is okay. It is better, I can tell I am healing.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)