I am accutely aware that I am completely alone. I used my voice last night and told my husband I was aware of something that he did with me that started with her. I told him how I suddenly felt like a fool. Like what we were doing was special, but then realized that it wasn't at all.
It's okay to be completely alone. Even in a room full of people. Its a lonly place sometimes, but it is okay. Often it is easier than to try and convince yourself you are a part of something special. when you are all alone and you realize that you are not a part of anything special, you have freedom.
Freedom to participate in activities that are simply that, activities that are no longer intimate, no long have emotional attachment, no longer expectations. That sounds like a bunch of bullshit. My biggest problem is I am emotionally attached. I want to feel like my relationship, my marriage is something unique to only us. I don't feel that way. Just when I think it might be, accute awareness creeps back in.
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