Decisions and a Glimmer of Hope

I made some progress this week!  I made the decision to move in a forward direction.  I have been feeling so low and resentful with expectations and dread with the holidays approaching.  However, I have a friend that made me realize I can do things that I once enjoyed, the trick is to stop expecting appreciation for those things.  I need to learn to do them because I like doing them.  Find hobbies and activities that are for me to enjoy.  I am thrilled that I have had this revalation.

I am going to decorate the house for the holidays.  I am going to do it for me.  It will bring sad memories, but I now realize that those memories can not be avoided no matter how hard I try.  Acceptance of the emotional flood is my answer.  I will decorate without expectation of recognition of how nice the house looks.  I will decorate to make myself feel good.  To feel warm and cosy.  To feel as at home and as at peace as I can.  I will make my home feel more like a sanctuary where I can release my pain for awhile and just love myself.

I also have made a decision to reach out to a network support group for people going through infidelity.  I learned I have somewhere to go to meet with people struggling with the same issues as I am.  They only meet once a month, but I will take it.  I need it.  I MUST HEAL!

I have glimmers of hope for just me, not just us.  I know I have to find me again and love me, heal me, inspite of my relationship. Bit by bit I will somehow find me again.